Be Blessed! A Family Study

A few months ago, with complete sincerity I asked my husband, "Will I ever be happy again?" Below is a retrospective look at how my family and I came to answer this question with a sweet and humble, "Yes." Learning together about Christian happiness, mood, and responsibility is one of the most fruitful relationship enhancing activities that we have experienced. Changing our habits of thought and behavior is hard work yet we are encouraged by our overall increase in positive mood, which is so very contagious...for better or worse. The events that piled up for over a year prior to my desperate question are private, yet typical of my peers. I offer this sharing to you with gratitude for praying me through a difficult time and with a prayer that you too will be blessed.

Background Helps

Pray and Fulfill the Duties of My Vocation. ..even when it is hard or messy or less than what I can do when my life is more stable. Pray differently. Find a new prayer to memorize. Start a new novena. Meet a new saint. Get on my knees. Lay down and fall asleep with a rosary in my hands. Yell out from love and weakness. Go to Church. Go to Mass. Go to Adoration.

Take Care. Eat well, sleep enough, and move my body. Face health concerns actively such as fatigue, poor circulation, poor posture, sore muscles and others by taking vitamins, increasing water intake, T-Tapp, other posture helps, increasing vegetables/greens, and being open to other ideas.

Basic Organization. Have a weekly family meeting. Discuss Christian happiness and related topics. Post notes on "faith board" (a corkboard used to display items related to the liturgical calendar, character formation, etc.), refrigerator, or the like. Keep meeting short. Serve a treat.

Read and Learn. Optional topics include but aren't limited to prayer, suffering, grief, mourning, depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, cognitive distortions, the Beatitudes, the Book of Job, habit formation, temperaments, the five love languages, etc.

Be Patient. Follow the natural pace, inclination, and discernment of family. Take as many weeks, months, as is helpful to gain peace and insight.

For ages 8+. Modify as needed.

Christian Happiness

This past August I had the privilege of attending a presentation by Peter Kreeft. As a long time fan, Dr. Kreeft's Christ's Concept of Happiness vs The World's did not disappoint and struck an immediate chord. He distinguishes between our culture's definition of happines and challenges us to see ourselves as blessed, as described by the Beatitudes.

Optional Activities

*Listen to Dr. Kreeft's audio.
*Write each beatitude on a sheet of paper large enough to be displayed on faith board. Post one per week for discussion and ongoing reference.
*Ask each family member to rate how happy they are on a scale of 1-10 (their happy number) and note replies on index card with name and date, then post on board (There are no right or wrong answers. Trust each person to answer to the best of their ability. Avoid the inclination to change another's mind/answer or to answer in a way expected by others.) Continue to keep track of happy numbers each week. Look for patterns.

Mood

This past June I was chatting with the awesome ladies online at 4Real, my favorite gathering place for homeschooling moms, about erasing the negative tapes in our heads. Holly recommended the book, Feeling Good and she made a good argument for reading it. I asked my husband, a psychologist, if he knew of it and he recalled it positively but vaguely from many years ago. I read it and found it to be sound, organized, and not trying to be more than it is. I found the book easy to gel with my faith.

Optional Activities

*Read Feeling Good, (you can preview it here) or other information about cognitive distortions and dysfunctional attitudes.
*Write on one sheet of paper, "Action", on another, "Thought", on another, "Feeling", on a final, "Behavior" without others seeing. Have one family member hold up "Action" and another, "Behavior." Ask, "What comes between someone's action and another person's reaction or behavior?" My children were stumped so I showed them the "Thought" and "Feeling" sheets and asked if these two came between the two. Upon discussion we agreed they did and then I asked if they came in a particular order. We discussed recent examples of difficulties we've had with each other. We agreed that thoughts came before feelings. We hung the papers, in order, on our counter bar that divides our kitchen and living space.
*List "thinking distortions" on a sheet of paper, next to ATFB papers above. Discuss each as related to family tensions. Discuss in a matter-of-fact manner, avoiding rehashing or blaming, coming from curiosity and courtesy.
*List, post, and discuss "attitude distortions." They are: Approval, Love, Achievement, Perfectionism, Entitlement, Omnipotence, Autonomy
*Use new vocabulary to identify, describe, and solve problems.
*Discuss connections to Beatitudes and Mood.

Responsibility

Each of us is ultimately responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. We are committed to maintaining our happy number at a minimum of 8. We use the information that we have posted on our faith board and counter bar when our mood is negative until we feel relief. We are also a loving family and each of us impacts other family members. We treat each other with respect, sensitivity, and courtesy. We try to solve problems between each other quickly. We make and accept amends. We strive to stay in a blessed state individually and as a family.

Optional Activities

*Post and discuss Peter Kreeft's diagram found on page 111 in Making Sense Out of Suffering (Below is my attempt to recreate it. In this cycle, Pride points to Disaster and Repentance points to Blessed. Plus there are counter arrows that point to opposites - Blessed is opposite of Disaster, Luxury is opposite of Suffering, and Pride is opposite of Repentance.):

Blessed -> Luxury -> Pride

Repentance <- Suffering <- Disaster *Discuss how Disaster can be self-inflicted or not. Distinguish between mistakes, misunderstandings, misfortune and inconveniences. *Discuss grief and how there are times when all we can do in the face of loss is cry and wait. *Show love through the 5 love languages.
*Keep track of tendencies. Initial specific distortions. Look for individual and family patterns.
*Battle tendencies, especially Entitlement and Perfectionism.
*Practice doing over mistakes properly.
*Have fun.
*Show gratitude.
*Give alms.
*Fast.
*Smile - It Confuses People (saw that on a bumper sticker!)

He said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

Together in Prayer

I just received word that my sweet eight year old niece, who lives thousands of miles away in Pennsylvania, was hospitalized with severe abdominal pain and other serious symptoms. She is being observed and waiting for test results.

It is so hard to be separated from my brother and his family, especially when his daughter is in the hospital. I gain great comfort from knowing that our family is together in prayer.

From St. Frances De Sales,

Never think that geographical distance can ever separate souls whom God has united by the ties of His love. The children of the world are separated one from another because their hearts are in different places; but the children of God, having their hearts where their treasure is, and sharing only one treasure - which is the same God - are consequently always united and joined together.

Please join me in prayer for my niece. If you feel so called, join our family in a novena to St. Gianna Molla. I have gained much peace from praying to this lovely Saint, knowing how much she loves children and wants the medical profession to be a conduit for God's grace. Thank you.

Prayer Chair

I have a prayer chair that I picked up years ago via a parish garage sale. It is old with red velvety upholstery. Some would say it is tacky but I love it. I have prayed a thousand prayers, wept a thousand tears, and controlled a thousand temper tantrums, in this chair.

There is something special about having a space set aside for peace and quiet and prayer. When the rest of the house is out of order, I can close my eyes in my chair and feel at ease. When I leave the scene of a family misunderstanding, I go to my chair and gain calm.

When others are having a hard time, I'll invite them to sit in my chair. My children have spilled their stories there. My husband has debriefed from his rigorous days at work. When the baby is fussy, I sit with him in my chair and pray.

Although I have moved too often, my chair comes with me. There was a time when I envisioned upgrading my chair to something nicer. For now I'll keep it, like I would a comfortable old sweater. One filled with memories and prayer.

Sing for Each Other

While at Mass yesterday, I sat between my mother and teen daughter. The three of us shared care of baby. During the Offertory, we sang Amazing Grace. I smiled as the three of us belted out this hymn that reminds us of my deceased grandmother Me-Me, my mother's mother. We sang one, two, three, four verses. Unusually, due to a second collection, we moved to the fifth verse...

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.

Within the first line, my mother and I became silent. I was choked with tears. I stared straight ahead at the altar, fighting to keep my composure. I felt so close to the promise of eternal life, to the communion of saints, and to my mother and Me-Me that I was overwhelmed. My mother was comforting me with her mutual silence. We didn't dare look at each other.

Then I heard my daughter's voice singing clearly, confidently, and beautifully. She pulled me back to the pew, to my amazing here and now. She was singing our song when my mom and I couldn't. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound.

Snow on the Superstition Mountains

Yesterday morning our family awoke to a memory in the making. After some leisurely family time, my husband and the boys went to the park to play baseball. A few minutes out the door my phone rang. It was my husband telling me to go outside and look at the mountains. It is not unusual for us to look at the gorgeous Arizona Superstition mountains so I didn't think twice and headed out the backyard for a look, expecting beautiful color and shadow. To my delight, the mountains were topped with snow! Our neighbors tell us this blessing happens about once a decade, remembering back to 1991 when snow last covered the Superstitions.

While at church, the glory of God was extra evident as we looked out the enormous clear glass window, purposely placed to showcase the Superstitions. The cumulus clouds floated as if out of a dream, lifting our eyes toward heaven.

My parents treated us to lunch after Mass and everywhere we turned, the conversation was snow. When we drove to the park to play with the children, the usually empty roads were flooded with cars and photographers. I never would have guessed that so many people owned tripods for their cameras!

God willing, we'll have another chance to see this extraordinary snow show in ten years. If so, I bet we'll remember this day. We'll remember that the baby was in a sling, the boys were starting Little League, and our teen was planning her first solo flight back east to visit family. We'll remember lunch with Grandma and Daddypa. We'll remember this restful Sunday, when God's creative beauty touched us in a most breath-taking way.

Anxiety Is Not From Christ

"Anxiety is not from Christ." That is what my Confessor said. I didn't need to ask him where it came from.

I battle anxiety everyday. I live in an anxious time, in an anxious culture, in a subset of seriously high (and anxious) overachievers, devout Catholic homeschooling moms. God bless us! Yet, defeat anxiety we must.

In all your affairs, rely entirely on the providence of God through which alone all your plans succeed...Strive very gently to cooperate with it. Then, believe that if you trust well in God success will come to you.

~St. Francs de Sales

God loves me. Christ is risen. The communion of saints is cheering. Why am I anxious?

RAPT Family Prayer

I picked up the acronym, RAPT, from Peter Kreeft in his lovely book Prayer for Beginners as a way to remember the four main parts of prayer (and Mass.) They are Repentance, Adoration, Petitions, and Thanksgiving.

On three evenings a week, our family joins together for our special Family Prayer. We make the sign of the cross together then we take turns saying something we are sorry for while sharing how we plan to make amends. We share a few minutes of silent Adoration. We read from our book of petitions where we have gathered prayer requests and we add our individual intentions. We end with taking turns sharing what we are thankful for.

Young children especially love this form of family prayer. They know what to expect yet there is enough freedom within the format to give them room for personal expression. Some of my most cherished times as a mother have been spent listening to my children share their honest prayers with us before God.

1 Corinthians 13 for Homeschool Moms

1 Corinthians 13 for Homeschool Moms

Though I teach my children how to multiply, divide, and diagram a
sentence, but fail to show them love, I have taught them nothing.

And though I take them on numerous field trips, to basketball practice
and flute lessons; and though I involve them in every church activity
but fail to give them love, I profit nothing.

And though I scrub my house relentlessly, run countless errands, and
serve three nutritious meals every day but fail to be an example of
love, I have done nothing.

Love is patient with misspelled words and is kind to three-year-old
interrupters. Love does not envy the high SAT scores of other
homeschool families. Love does not claim to have better teaching
methods than anyone else, is not rude to the fourth telephone caller
during a science lesson, does not seek perfectly behaved geniuses,
does not turn into a drill sergeant, thinks no evil about friends'
educational choices.

Love bears all my children's challenges, believes all my children are
God's precious gifts, hopes all my children establish permanent
relationships with Christ, and endures all things to demonstrate God's
love.

Love never fails. Where there are college degrees, they will fail;
where there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and
we teach in part. But when the trials of life come to our children,
the history, math, and science will be done away and faith, hope, and
love will remain; but the greatest of these is love.

author unknown

Thanks, Victoria, for sharing this with me.

23rd Psalm - Sharing Bible Verses

23rd Psalm

The Lord is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.

In verdant pastures He gives
me repose;

Before restful waters He leads
me; He refreshes my soul.

He guides me in right paths for
His name's sake.

Even though I walk in the dark
valley I fear no evil;

for you are at my side, with your
rod and your staff that give me
courage.

You spread a table for me in the
sight of my foes; you anoint my
head with oil; my cup overflows.

Only goodness and kindness
follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the house of
the Lord for years to come.

Our family loves when we read the23rd Psalm during Mass or our daily bible reading. We all smile in recognition. Years ago we memorized the King James version found in Michael Hague's sweet book. This was one of the first bible verses that we chose to memorize. Since then, we have enjoyed comparing the different bible versions of this well-loved psalm. During today's reading, we gave special attention to this verse KJV, "Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me." Our St. Joseph's Edition of the New American Bible reads as the above quote, "You are at my side, with your rod and your staff that give me courage." We talked at length about the richness of words and other related thoughts and ideas.

Shared common experiences are family glue. Sharing the Word of God is super glue!

Prayer Pegs

When I took my first tentative steps back toward Catholicism, the first prayer that we prayed together as a family was Grace before meals.

Bless us, O Lord and these Thy gifts,
Which we are about to receive,
From Thy bounty through Christ Our Lord.
Amen.

This simple prayer opened the floodgate of Grace through which the Holy Spirit helped guide us home.

Once this habit was developed, I had become increasingly interested in the many beautiful Catholic prayers that I hadn't learned as a child. Our family began memorizing prayers and connecting them to family activities. One of the simplest prayer pegs is to "stack" our prayers at meals. For example, currently at breakfast we say Grace plus the Spiritual Adoption prayer, and a prayer for the souls in purgatory.

More prayer pegs to come...

St. Anthony

"Dear St. Anthony , we do pray, help us to find Mom's glasses, right away."

It had already been a tough day. In fact, I had gone out for a quick walk up the street to calm myself down, taking my glasses off and placing them at my shirt collar. I returned home from my walk, continued directing traffic at home, only to eventually realize that my glasses were missing. They could be anywhere. My heart sunk. Then...

I heard my children pray to St. Anthony for me. While I was struggling with my own discouragement, they prayed. Their words pulled me from my self-pity. We began our search. We looked up and down the block. Nothing. We went through the whole house. Nothing. We looked up and down the block again. Nothing. We asked our neighbors if they had seen my glasses. They laughed and tried to cheer me up. Nothing. I emailed my prayerful friends at 4Real and asked them to pray to St. Anthony for me.

Seven hours into my lost glasses saga...FOUND! They were found by our live-in St. Anthony, my son who has had the knack for finding things and recently took Anthony as his confirmation name. The glasses were in front of our home in the desert decorative rocks...rocks that look a lot like my brown wire rimmed glasses. I never would have found them on my own.

Praying to St. Anthony is one of the sweetest family habits we have formed. Sweet and efficient! Here's another really sweet version of this prayer that my friend Victoria shared: Tony, Tony, look around, something's lost and must be found.

I am so grateful our family knows we are part of the Communion of Saints. Here's a shorter explanation and an even shorter explanation. I am also grateful that my children, friends, and St. Anthony care about something as small as my missing eyeglasses. Reminds me that we are to bring all things, big and small, to God.

Warm Welcome

When I was a new stay at home mother, I developed an awful habit. When my husband returned home from work each day, I would devour him with words of exhaustion, excitement, confusion, or whatever else was pent up within me from the day. He is a patient man and never complained. One day, I read a suggestion to warmly welcome my husband home. I tried it and WE liked it!

Now our children are expected to warmly welcome their father home. It is sweet to watch them jump off a bike, put down a basketball, or close a book to make dad their priority. This habit also spills over into warmly welcoming others to our home.

On difficult days, I still struggle. I work to force a smile or bite my tongue. I'm humbled that this simple kindness can still take all my will. Fortunately Mother Teresa reminds me, “God does not call us to do great things, but small things with great love.”

Not for Guarantees

This week we’ve been reading along with the Church from 1 Samuel. I can’t help but think about Samuel’s sons and wondering why they rejected him and God. The Bible is full of stories of rejection of parents and family and God. This truth would bum a mother out if the stories stopped there.

Although it is disheartening as a mother to think that a child of mine might reject me and, or God, I strive for family unity today anyway. I’m not able to guarantee any particular outcome in family relationships. God has given us all free will, for better and worse. Yet, each moment that is unified, each day that is right before God, is infinitely valuable and worthwhile in and of itself.

Having said this, I confess, I hold hope in my heart. By building strong, healthy, and joyful family relationships, I pray that our family will be something my growing children see as good and right for them. I pray that they will live their adult vocations, with love for their first family as well as with accumulated virtues and skills to fulfill God’s will for them. I pray that we will all continue to say “Yes!” to God and be reunited in heaven to forever praise Him.

It could happen! A mother’s hope combined with trust in God can even work miracles. Just ask St. Monica...and my mom.

Sacrament of Confirmation

Our two oldest children will receive the Sacrament of Confirmation tonight in the Diocese of Phoenix. We are so very grateful to participate in this Gift from on High!

Morning Offering

Praying together as a family is awesome glue. More on this later. Praying separately FOR our family is important too. Since our family members wake at different times, we each say a Morning Offering and ask that God bless our family throughout the day.

As wife and mother, I like to pray this Consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary for my entire family, including my extended family, as a Morning Offering. I first found this prayer in a sweet little book called The Catholic Mother's Resource Guide.

First Friday

A few months ago my husband was able to arrange a change in his work schedule that allowed him to attend morning Mass with me and the children on the first Friday of each month. We drive to a church 30 minutes away and go over our examination of conscience for children on the way. After Mass we receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, then we go to the church gift shop and purchase a little something for the children and ourselves. Finally, we go to Rubio's for fish tacos and bean burritos, (eat your hearts out East Coasters!) All of this gels to make for a very special morning, one that we look forward to each month.

When I was growing up, we didn't eat meat on First Fridays or any Fridays, but I had no idea why. I thought it had something to do with pizza. Really. I grew up in NE Pennsylvania and we take our pizza seriously. A little town near my childhood home is the pizza capital of the world. Now you know. While attending parochial grammar school, first Friday meant...pizza. Yep, delivered to the school. This was truly the highlight of the month! After walking to church and going to Confession (phew!) we ate pizza.

Guess what? First Friday isn't necessarily related to pizza, it has to do with abstaining from meat. Guess what again? Catholics are STILL supposed to abstain from meat on Fridays. Read on..

The Code of Canon Law indicates that Catholics are supposed to abstain from meat on all Fridays during the year, not just during Lent:

Canon 1250 -- All Fridays through the year and the time of Lent are penitential days and times throughout the universal Church.
Canon 1251 -- Abstinence from eating meat or another food according to the prescriptions of the conference of bishops is to be observed on Fridays throughout the year unless they are solemnities; abstinence and fast are to be observed on Ash Wednesday and on the Friday of the Passion and Death of Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Canon 1253 -- It is for the conference of bishops to determine more precisely the observance of fast and abstinence and to substitute in whole or in part for fast and abstinence other forms of penance, especially works of charity and exercises of piety.

We will add one more level of richness and fullness to our First Friday outings this year. We are striving to complete a Nine First Fridays Devotion to the Sacred Heart .

My hope for our children is that they grow up thinking First Friday is something special, a highlight of the month. We'll make sure they don't think it is necessarily linked to fish tacos and bean burritos:).

Pray First

Prayer, a multi-faceted mystery, is also extraordinary family glue. Daily pray an Our Father for family unity. More on prayer later...much more.

I'm becoming a blogger at the instigation of my computer-savvy daughter. She knows me well. She wants to start a blog and needs to get my A.O.K. She knows that I'm cautious, very cautious and will need to feel informed before I say, "Yes." The best way to inform me is by letting me experience blogging for myself. Smart girl.

The idea of blogging on the topic of family unity came at a moment of desperation. Family life is difficult and I often feel like a juggler, spinning plates on the end of long, thin sticks. Well, my plates have been dropping here, there, and everywhere lately...more so than ususal. Throwing my arms up in frustation during a family meeting I asked, "What DOES this family do well?" A wise soul said, "We stick together." Sometimes, often times, a child sees God's grace most clearly.