The main new lesson that I have learned is that I am still, and always will be, Catherine's mother, but at first I was dumbfounded. I didn't know how to continue in my role as mother for her. I no longer needed to eat, drink, and rest for her. I didn't need to see my midwife for her. I didn't need to plan and prepare for her coming. All I could do was pray.
Much to my surprise, relief, and joy, I am learning how to be the mother of a saint. In many ways, what I do now is what I did with my children on earth. Our relationship is growing over time through conversation and prayer. I find myself talking up to heaven to her where in the past I would talk to the baby in my growing belly. I have dreams about her as I had dreams about her siblings. She is included in family conversation yet instead of talking about our anticipation of her being with us on earth, we talk about striving to join her in heaven. We ask for her intercession and through this and more, our relationship and unity grows.
My desire to hold Catherine in my arms is beyond description. I still cry for all that was lost. Yet I cannot deny all that has been gained for me, for our family, and for Catherine. I have gained the joy of being the mother of a saint. Our family has gained another member to help lead us to heaven. Catherine has life, full and complete, by our intent to baptize her, through Christ in heaven.
Have you not read ' I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob?' He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.
Matthew 22:31-32
Lord, I thank you for blessing me with children and the promise of eternal life. Please bless those who have suffered loss through miscarriage, especially those who do not receive the fullness of consolation found in the Catholic faith. I ask this through the intercession of our little Catherine. Amen.
