Consistency

I lost my temper today and slammed my boys with a serious negative consequence for their behavior. As they sat, shocked, they collected themselves and finished their work while holding back tears. I calmed down and continued my work as well. Once finished, I called my husband to evaluate our situation.

There is a lot of pressure for parents to be "consistent." Somewhere along the way I realized that there are two kinds of consistency, external and internal. External consistency is the type most folks talk about. For example, as a parent if you give a negative consequence to a child, you had better follow through or your child will never learn correct behavior and will see you as weak.

The second kind of consistency is internal. Internal consistency means to come from the same values and priorities when acting, to include giving consequences. So when I give a negative consequence from my anger, I break my internal consistency because I want to give consequences from a thoughtful, prudent, and helpful place.

After talking with my husband, I had to eat humble pie. With the help of my husband, we calmly teased out what I had done wrong and what I said that was true. Eventually, we decided to change the negative consequence. We replaced it with another way for our children to make amends and hopefully to learn. Now if only their mother would learn!